Day 19

It keeps getting better

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Day 19 was good.

I managed to follow EVERY rule. Yes, that’s right. I moved a lot. I ate when I was hungry. I only ate what I really wanted. I enjoyed every bite and paid attention to eating. I stopped the second I felt satisfied. I drank water. I moved around. I listened to the audio trance. I did the mirror technique.

Days 16- 18: One hole closer

Where there is smoke…

… there might be cancer?

This weekend was filled with cigarettes. I don’t know why I can’t refrain from smoking. Despite the fact I have been crazy sick Friday, I suddenly felt much better. The BF and I drank an entire keg. Our neighbor came over at 3 am and brought cigarettes. That night, I smoked two cigarettes.

On Saturday, I felt much better. Our neighbor asked me to take him shopping. We smoked another two cigarettes that afternoon. The BF and I drove to a birthday party in our original home town. I was the DD but that didn’t stop me from smoking almost another pack. Disgusting! Weirdly enough, I have no problem with not drinking but all of a sudden I need to smoke?! WTF?! Giving up smoking is hard AF. It’s the hardest thing I can imagine. Even harder than med school and that shit sucked the life out of me.

Even worse: I continued this stupid behavior on Sunday. WTF is wrong with me?! The BF does not approve. My mother does not approve. Everybody wants me to be safe and healthy. Why do I smoke? Giving up drinking all together wouldn’t be a problem for me at all but smoking (I don’t smoke during the week and barely on weekends).

Today, I experience the worst cough (which brought upon myself) and I deeply regret everything. This pain has led me to the idea to add a ‘I didn’t smoke’-checkbox to my journal. Maybe this will help.

Apart from deep regret regarding my smoking habits, I have some news:

I am starting to feel skinnier! Finally! While at my parents’ I did not step on their fancy scale because I decided it wouldn’t matter anymore. The scale was supposed to show me progress – regardless of the number it shows. It was supposed to simply show me whether not my weight has decreased. But at what cost? The first weigh-in made me super mad and feel bad about myself. It ruined my day and it’s simply not worth the energy. It’s only a stupid box on the floor. Why do we let it have so much power over us? My weigh-ins will be skipped. I shall no longer weigh myself every 15 days.  Those days will be just like the others. 

And the best: My belt shows me that I am one belt hole closer to my goal. 

 

Day 10

Rules followed: 5/8

The weather was gorgeous. I am big fall lover thus I had to be outside for the golden time and see nature’s most beautiful phase. Since my BF seems to be under a lot of stress lately, we decided not to use our phones (I broke the rule by taking pictures with it before popping out my DLSR) and instead search for serenity.

The BF chose a route to hike. It was bloody long. We got see the Löwenburg in Rhöndorf or let’s say we got to sit on ruins of a castle while we got to enjoy the most beautiful view ever – combined with beautiful weather. My weight issues were clearly presented to me on the way up as geriatric joggers passed me by while I couldn’t breathe and my heart was acting up. As a formerly thin person, I know how much easier moving around is once you drop a certain weight. I cannot wait to get there again.

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IG: susilambr

My activity tracker counted 22.993 steps until midnight. After our hike we went to Ikea to grab a bite and then walked through the entire thing without buying anything (very proud of myself). Once we got home we took quick showers and changed, then hopped on the train to meet our friends. I felt glorious. Being outside isn’t really on my mind anymore but there is nothing more relaxing than a walk through the woods.

I ate some candy, I ate real food. I enjoyed it all. For my late-night-snack after drinking, I decided to let everybody have a bite to try. Hanging out with hungry guys is a good way to drop weight because they take giant bites. I only ended up eating half of what I ordered and that was more than enough. I felt fine not eating that much. Actually, that might be the biggest change I am currently experiencing: I get by with lesser food. The down side: The BF eats up my left-overs although he himself is very unhappy with his weight and he wants to drop some weight as well.

Day 9

Rules followed: 6/8

YAY ME! I finally listened to the audio trance. I am so proud of myself. I would say that Day 9 has been the best day so far – and I am not even talking about just the rules. 6/8 is pretty good, of course, but I also had a wonderful day all together because a) the sun was out and the temperatures were a.m.a.z.i.n.g. and b) I met a really sweet girl and we had a great time hanging out (still looking for more friends) and c) got to talk to my BFF for hours on the phone and d) I moved around a lot which really boosted my energy. Just listening to the audio trance and thus the feeling of accomplishment was very satisfying. I felt like I could conquer anything. Just like the book demands, I was hungry and I felt like late-night-cake. We had some super rich cake at 11.30 pm and it didn’t even bother me. I ate slowly and left some cake on the plate but it sure was nice not having to worry about anything. The method gives you so much quality in life, I strongly recommend it anybody with weight issues.

I needed that boost. My mood had been down for the first 8 days of this journey.

Day 10 will also become very active. The BF and I will be hiking around all day – without cell phones. I cannot wait. We both look forward to getting out of the city and breathing some fresh air in the woods.

Day 8

Rules followed: 3/8

Today was a bad day foodwise and a good day activitywise. Day 7 required new goals for this week and I already managed to achieve one: Meet new people. I joined a Facebook group to meet up to play Badminton. Unfortunately, the BF threw out his back two nights ago so that he couldn’t attend. Instead, our neighbour Tobi came to the rescue and joined in. I had stated that I would bring another person along and the court rent was calculated based on my statement and we played doubles so there had to be an even number.

Badminton is one of my favourite sports and I am so glad I got to play again. My game was lit. Nobody knew I still had it in me. It was exhausting, I’ll admit that. My heart condition kicked in once, but that was ok. I am very happy I got to play again.

As far as my eating goes, I ate when I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t stop in time, I had candy all day and I have yet to listen to the audio trance since starting this journal. Tomorrow will be another day. I did the mirror technique really briefly, but at least I did it.

Day 1

Rules followed: 4.5/8

What did I eat? 

I had potato salad for breakfast, broccoli as an alternative for rice for lunch. The ‘rice’ was store-bought, I just added some oil into my wok and later some Pesto. Tasty AF. At around 8 pm, I had half a plate of fries. Late-night snack: Brötchen.

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Did I move? 

Yes. On my way to my dinner date, I missed one stop as I was listening to some good music. I realized when it was too late, got off on the next stop, walked back. After my dinner date, I stoped by my brother’s which is quite a walk from and to the station. After I had returned to the station to get home, I realized I had missed the last train and only had two minutes left to reach the last bus. Ran as fast as I could. Made it in time. Had to get on the train, only had one minute left. Ran even faster. Yelled at a lady who was blocking the stairs. Made it just in time.

Did I only eat when hungry?

Yes.  Especially my fries were way better because I really enjoyed them due to my hunger.

Did I enjoy my food? 

All but my Brötchen. I ate it on the way. After it was gone, I realized I should have taken some time to savour the taste. Next time.

Did drink plenty of water? 

Yes. Water and two glasses of wine.

Postive things about yesterday? 

Dinner date, visiting my brother and his roomie.

What would I like to do tomorrow? 

Finally get started with painting the livingroom, maybe meet some friends.